The Red Tool Box

The Workshop

My siblings and I grew up running around my father's workshop, most days after school. And so it's not a surprise that as a young child I could recognize and comfortably pick out most tools from a toolbox and pass them to the mechanics. I specifically recall the red toolboxes. There were also blue ones. I'd always be eager to help out and so the mechanics would often send me to grab something from the toolboxes whenever I was around.  When sent for a 'number 10', I'd know exactly what that was- a 10mm spanner/wrench. I'd gotten so good, that I didn't have to look at the inscribed numbers, I could tell them apart by sizing them with my eyes. Life was indeed simpler then.

I tend to view each of our lives as having a toolbox. In fact, I think when the proverbial stork delivers the baby home, there's usually another one behind it carrying an empty toolbox to be filled with the necessary tools for life as we grow. Some, our parents and guardians deposit, and some we have to pick along the way as we navigate life.  When faced with a situation in life,  we run to the toolbox and pick out the right tool to fix the problem. 

                                             

Sadly, we don't always have all the right tools in our toolboxes and so we go through life trying to tighten big bolts with smaller spanners. Instead, what follows are more problems, agitation, and frustration. While sharing this thought with my big brother, he made me see how we always think we have the right tools for the job, only to realize we need to use the next size of the tool to fix the problem. So, picture this: trying to tighten a 15mm bolt with a 16mm spanner. Almost there, but not yet there. Most of us, if not all, have missing tools or life skills in some areas of our lives.

This is not normal

I must have been an adult above the age of 20 when I fully realized and accepted that I needed help navigating some areas in life. As a teenager, I often wondered why life would get so difficult at times, but I couldn't pick out the right tools to fix that from my toolbox...they were missing! Needless to say, my toolbox was lacking some basic tools and I frankly did not know where to get them from so I went about life with some loose bolts hoping and praying they would tighten themselves as I hit life’s bumps. Sadly, they got more loose and other parts came apart.

It’s hard to talk about one’s truth, especially when it's so personal. They say the first casualty of any war is truth. In this case, the war within you convinces you that your truth is not good enough. But it sets you free and gives you the strength to navigate life.

Seeking help. Therapy

By the time I took myself to therapy, some of my parts were coming apart and I had lost some bolts over the years and the tools I had in my toolbox could not fix my problems. I needed more tools to deal with them. It started with recognizing that I had some unresolved issues, some from my childhood and others from life experiences.

A dear aunt who is a trained counsellor helped me navigate the earlier parts of this journey as I got comfortable with the idea of seeking professional help. I felt a huge weight lifting off my shoulders as I got to understand why I reacted to situations the way I did. For example, I realized when faced with conflict, I would hide my head in the sand like an ostrich and pray away the conflict. I still do sometimes...I'm learning to resolve and manage it, as I pick up new tools for my toolbox.

What are you struggling with? Do you have the right tools to deal with it? What is stopping you from acquiring new tools/getting some help?

Consider asking for help. Get the help. Start where you are... talk to a trusted friend.

...to be continued